Serena Williams lashes out…and I do too!

So we all have heard about Serena Williams and her lashing out at the referee and the disqualification.  She got angry I would too…all that pressure in a game and then someone makes call that she feels is unjustified..and all the pressure!  I feel like that all the time…I may not have a US open title that I am up against but it feels just as important at the time to me no matter how trivial.  So I am now taking the plunge, facing my emotions and not hiding behind an eating disorder, and Oh my god!  I feel like I am going to explode!!  Years of hiding from feeling things and I feel like a thirteen year old just got my period i can’t take it anymore!!  I don’t know what to do.  It’s absolutely nuts!  I feel like I need anger management.  Really anger is a way to express some other emotion that is difficult to face or feel so we often turn to anger, and things are just not going well for me.  Ok, So about 30 minutes ago I  hurled a glass across the kitchen which shattered into a thousand pieces…why, well I was mad of course!   But not really mad, I felt like some person relationship things were out of my control and that scares me, and makes me feel so vulnerable and I hate that feeling.  I mean I really hate to feel like that.  So I flipped out and my eating disorder, ED, do you know what he told me.  I said just go back to disordered eating, feeling like this is sooo not worth it.  Yes, he said that and I heard him loud and clear.  So, not immediately mind you, but now as I am writing this out there to the world I am tell him, my eating disorder, Mr. Ed to go and F#@* himself because while this is so very hard and I do feel like a maniac, it will be worth it in the end.  i will learn to manage my feelings and deal with them appropriately.  So that I don’t bottle things in for ten years and get extremely out of practice of just coping with everyday stuff.  So ED you lose this round buddy.  I am not turning back.

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