One Hot Mess!

So I have one hot mess!  My family is highly disordered.  I am quite disordered as they say.  I have an eating disorder after all.  And do you know what the definition of Disordered is?  Let me tell you.  

1 obsolete ( which by the way means : no longer in use or no longer useful <an obsolete word> b : of a kind or style no longer current)                    a : morally reprehensible (bringing or deserving severe rebuke or censure; “a criminal waste of talent”; “a deplorable act of violence”;)                      b : unruly (not readily ruled, disciplined, or managed)
2 a : marked by disorder <a disordered room> b : not functioning in a normal orderly healthy way <a disordered mind>

Function: transitive verb

Date: 15th century

1 : to disturb the order of
2 : to disturb the regular or normal functions of

Not looking so good for the disordered.  Now imagine a family of 8 all disorder.  That my friends is a hot mess.  I am thinking we would make a great reality TV show…you would have to get to know the others to understand this.  But this blog is about me and as they come into play I am sure in time you will understand a small piece of them.  But we are all quite disordered probably from the same reasons we just act out differently according to our individual personalities.  Mind you I love my disordered siblings.  I really do.  My dad…not so much.  We recently duked it out over email.  Fun stuff.  Waiting for his ridiculous emails was torture and I must say ED my hideous eating disorder has been winning the battle ED vs Kara.  Oops i spilled the name.  Ill leave it I guess.  I tell more and more people and it seems like everyone knows.  I thought I was good at hiding it.  guess not.  I’m not terribly underweight you see.  Not that it matters.  Just saying.  I dont know about others, I haven’t talked to many but what I see on TV suggests that it’s about being 55 pounds.  For me it’s not that way.  It’s about maintaining a weight that is thin, somewhere between 105 and 110, it goes over but never above 115, I do not like that.  I haven’t been trying to hard with the affirmations.  I will start again tonight…and hopefully tomorrow morning.  It is hard.  It’s like you tell a few people and half well almost all seriously disappoint you and its like well what am I doing this for.  No one seems to care all that much either way.  Obviously this is ED my eating disorder talking.  But that is how it feels.  I need to visit my counselor.  Its getting to be too long..  Hopefully she can help me get on track.  I am reading books, but it seems as if I am detached, learning for some other reason..not for me.  Looks like I am going to have to dig into my deep hot mess of a I don’t know what.  Wish me luck!

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